Don't Be a Sheep

Baaaaaah. That’s what I hear coming from the mouths of most teenage mothers today. Baaaaah. They are sheep. They follow blindly what they are told with no research behind what they are doing.

You say, “My mom told me to do this,” or “My parents did this with me and I’m fine.”

You know what I hear?

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Are you really going to spend more time researching your new phone/car/computer/iPod than your own pregnancy? Your birth? How to raise your child? Are you really going to listen to everything your parents tell you to do with your child?

I’m pretty sure most teen mom’s parents said, “Don’t have sex.” Or at least they said, “Use protection.” But hey, guess what? Looks like you didn’t listen. But when baby comes and your mom says “You need to give that baby rice cereal at night so he’ll sleep longer.” Or when your grandma tells you, “Let the baby cry, it is good for the lungs. Don’t pick her up when she cries, she is manipulating you,” do you intend to let these things slide? Can you really sit there and listen to your baby scream for hours because they must learn how to sleep on your schedule, just because sweet old nana told you to?

NO!

A part of being a mother is sacrifice, and prioritizing baby in your life. Should you take care of your needs first and foremost? Of course.

Should you make your baby conform to your schedule for the sake of your conveince? Absolutely not. Babies have no concept of night and day, they don’t understand how manipulation works. All they know is how to cry to communicate.

Hungry? They cry. Wet? They cry. Cranky? They cry. In pain? They cry. Wanting to be held? They cry!

Babies want mom around. They want to suckle at her breast, they want to feel skin-to-skin contact, and they want to sleep near mom. You carried your child for 9 months, and now they are outside in this big cold world and they rely on you to make it safe.

The United States is obsessed with fostering independence. We separate mom and baby at night, either through using a crib or a completely separate room. We don’t encourage night-time cuddles or breastfeeding, or even tending to your child’s needs during the night because “they must learn or they never will”.

There are so many options and bits of advice that people will stand adamantly behind. To question the parenting techniques of your parents, to them, will feel like an attack on their abilities as parents. Remember, this is your child, not your mom’s or dad’s. You have a voice, and you can say “No, this is what I am going to do. Here is why.”

We live in the age of the internet, where information is at our fingertips. Maybe take a break from Facebook and Twitter, and spend some time looking into breastfeeding. Look into co-sleeping. Read some scientific studies about child-rearing, and learn about your life as a parent. Just because your mom/aunt/grandma/friend/random stranger says “This is how I did, you should to,” doesn’t mean you have to!

Break free from the flock. Don’t be a sheep. Make an informed decision.

Mission Statement

My goal with this blog is to help educate pregnant teens and teen moms about proper pregnancy care and parenting in the modern age. As teen parents, most people assume we cannot possibly understand how to properly care for ourselves and our newborn children. Every little mistake or question on our behalves is seen as an incompetence in our ability to take care of our child. Even our parents tend to forget those first few weeks when they were confused and struggling to figure out the needs of their newborn.

Our parents feel the need to step up and help us, which is always welcome, but sometimes the advice of their generation is outdated. And that outdated information was given to them by their parents, which was outdated then as well. They mean well, but by perpetuating myths and misconceptions during pregnancy and after birth, such advice can be counterproductive and potentially harmful.

Even doctors and nurses give out information that isn’t up-to-date, and it can end up hurting the mother/baby relationship from the start.

Regardless of your race, age, or socio-economic background, teen moms are treated differently than a mother in her late 20’s or 30’s. A teen mom can’t possibly care for a newborn like a married woman can, right? She can’t possibly love and bond with her baby or even know what to do, right?

Wrong.

We carry our babies inside of us for 9 months, we go to the same doctor appointments, we have the same worries, and the same fears that our older counterparts do. We go through the same hormonal changes and the cravings and the mood swings, and we create a bond during pregnancy. We feel the same love a slightly older women feels for her baby.

Teen moms are different because we are younger, because we may not have jobs or stable relationships or a good support system. That, however, does not make us incapable and unfit parents. We have a hard road ahead of us, but the idea that a teen mom cannot care for her child is foolish.

As teenagers, we have a bad rap. Just watch an episode of 16&Pregnant or Teen Mom on MTV. What do you see? Teenage girls wanting to be teenage girls, ditching their kids on their moms and caring more about socializing that their child. They allow their children to cry alone, they make no attempts to breastfeed and seek help, and socializing and partying take precedent. These are the stereotypes of a teen mom.

Don’t be a stereotype. You are a mother. You are a woman. Stand up for your right to be a parent and not have that ability questioned. Accept help when you need it, and put your foot down when you must. Educate yourself, educate your parents, and be the best mom you can be.

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